Reading Is Fun

Came across this article on Yahoo or some such and since I'm reconciling insurance bills and, really, there's only so many minutes in a row you can do that, I thought I'd add some commentary. Here it goes:

Do Men Believe in Love at First Sight?

When you were younger, you probably believed the Meg Ryan movies and the accompanying romantic plots: Of course there's such a thing as love at first sight.

But now that you've been on more than a few dates, you've noticed the absence of a scriptwriter, cinematographer, hair, makeup, and lighting engineers. That meet-swoon-commit deal only happens in Hollywood, it seems. But consider this: a national survey revealed that 48 percent of men say they do believe in love at first sight. (did this survey cross-reference how many of those 48% were gay?)

Eye-lock with violins, anyone? (No thanks we already got one. he He, I told him we already got one)

Of course, the classic definition of love at first sight includes quite a lot of physical sensations, especially where men are concerned (hell yeah) - attraction that's triggered by a particular face, a smell, a body, or just the overall vibe for a person. (Oh. Yeah, those too)

For a man, though, love at first sight quickly becomes more like "love at first-through-twelfth sight" - that is, not only the initial physical and chemical reaction that happens when he sees a woman, but also the behavior and personality nuances that come out early on in a relationship. (yeah, just how bat-shit nuts is she?) They're the ones that determine whether the chemical reaction escalates into true love or explodes into a love-lab disaster. (is her level of Bat-shit nutness tolerable?)

Surprised? (why, yes) That's probably because guys get a bad rap. (Sho' Nuff) While many women will assert that they're out on a Friday night "looking for love," they often think that men are just on the prowl - guzzling, grinding, and groping their way into bed with you. (that's not true...I saw this security cam video from this alley behind a club once...so bed=optional) The reality is that many men are also looking for the short-acting spark that transitions into a long-lasting flame; they just tend to be guarded in their approach.

(and by guarded, he means not really looking for that at all)

Why? For one, you'd think he was a desperate freak if he confessed his feelings upon arrival of the Caesar salad. And two, guys enjoy the chase: you may blow him (oh?) away(oh..) with a handshake or certain look, but that doesn't mean he's willing to forfeit the pursuit, the mystery, the suggestive banter, or the nervous sexual energy that's coupled with new found attraction. The trick is, of course, transitioning from the short-term chemical spark to the big-time personal commitment. (he keeps using this word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means) These are the things men really look for when they're out there looking. (bullshit, I've never chased a woman in my life....you guys just shut up! She doesn't count. Her either...just shut up!)

Men Want: Covert Actions
They Don't Want: Overt Ones

Seems like a simple equation, doesn't it? (yeah, but so does E=mc2...now) He likes you, you like him, you end the night with a Chapstick taste test. Contrary to popular belief, a guy doesn't gauge your passion by how quickly you fall into bed with him. (no, we use that to gauge something else entirely) In fact, for many men, their level of intensity for a woman increases the less overt physical contact he has with her. (if they're gay)

While men certainly have quick sexual motors (one time!...Geez), a slow, gradual revving of the engine is simply longer-lasting and more satisfying. That's why women should never underestimate the value and power of the slow tease. (Dude, have you ever dated a woman? No woman in the history of time has ever underestimated the value of the slow tease.) Unexpectedly grabbing his hand, grazing his thigh, (telling your friends to tell him to keep doing what he's doing) or simply making eye contact across the room builds his attraction and multiplies that in-love feeling far better than a boozy kiss 20 minutes after your introduction.

(Here, "in-love feeling is being substituted for "Restraining Order)

Men Want: Mystery
They Don't Want: Full Disclosure

You know how it goes. A woman confesses her love early on and she's viewed as an overbearing, bioclock time bomb who wants to lock a man into a multi-year commitment. (Multi-year? Wait, you really do get to renegotiate your deal? Sweet!) A man who confesses his love early is more desperate for attention than that dude who just got Tasered.

While some would argue that confessing true feelings is simply honest, I would argue that men and women should revel in the slow progression of getting to know each another. Yes, it's tempting to want to spill your soul about your life, your dreams, and your secret eyebrow-plucking habit when you feel an immediate connection. (Secret? Yeah, cause eyebrows look that naturally.)

But men rarely have the same knee-jerk reaction to bare all. (I think I just identified a problem area..) Let the intimacy progress naturally and he'll be hooked (hooked..totally the word you want to use here) - naturally. In a study of newly married couples, a full 86 percent of men said their relationship did indeed classify as love at first sight. (again, of those 86%, how many of their wives were in the room when they were asked that question?)

Men Want: Implication
They Don't Want: Conversation

There's one time men like getting The Talk. At halftime. In the locker room. By their coaches.

(sorry. Men. Locker Rooms. Manning-up. Ass-slapping. It all got weird for me. I had to go vacuum my car.) Otherwise, men just don't take very well to man-up speeches and lectures-especially when it comes to a declaration of love and commitment. The Commitment Talk doesn't stoke the spark; it pulls the plug on it.

You can convey your feelings - and help him feel the same way - without having to broach the subject through the always awkward "where is this going" (or "Did you read those pamphlets") talk. How? Show you're into him by getting him involved a little bit in your future.

(yeah, he won't feel smothered and run away at all.)

Invite him on a day trip next weekend, book tickets in advance for a concert or play, or ask him on a hiking trip with friends for next month. (make sure it's with your hot friends) By thinking ahead and involving him in your plans, you show that you're devoted enough to invest time in him - without having to make it feel like union negotiations. (yeah, go ahead and start acting like you're already married and plan his time. That should do it)

Men Want: Smoke Signals
They Don't Want: Billboards

For a man, three long hours of planning something special can be easier than saying three little words. Maybe you're eager to declare your commitment and ready to end every conversation with "I love you," but the sentiment can be hard for him to share - even if he feels the same way. (but, probably not cause you're kind of needy)

Why? Some men think that if they say those words, there's some kind of unwritten code that locks him into years of nagging about bathroom habits. (or he just really doesn't love you) Truth is, he takes those words seriously (if he didn't, it wouldn't be so hard). (hahahaha...oh yeah, baby..serious. Whatever, lose the bra) Although he may not reciprocate your grand gestures right away, it doesn't mean he's not feeling the same way. (Just nod and say thank you)

He'll do it with a compliment, or offering to take your wheels to the carwash, or through some elaborately planned night of romance. (or tell you he loves you when you're naked) For more of the secret needs and language men employ, check out 50 Things Men Wish You Knew. (1. even if you don't, we like it when you're naked 2. Even if you don't we like it when you're naked..etc..)

The flip side? He also likes the same things in return: A compliment or passing innuendo is more likely to strengthen his interest than a premature confession of love. (random BJ's work too) For many men, the excitement that's sparked early on becomes more intense as he unravels the clues that you're falling for him, too. (yeah....just like in Fatal Attraction...)

New Music Tuesday Vol.2

This week we have a video from the new Sean Penn movie "Into the Wild" starring Emile Hirsch (no idea).

INTO THE WILD is based on a true story and the bestselling book by Jon Krakauer. After graduating from Emory University in 1992, top student and athlete Christopher McCandless (Hirsch) abandons his possessions, gave his entire $24,000 savings account to charity and hitchhiked to Alaska to live in the wilderness. Along the way, Christopher encounters a series of characters that shape his life.

The video is from the soundtrack performed by Eddie Vedder (again, no idea). Corrin Tucker (totally have an idea, and she's cute) who was, up until recently, the singer in Sleater-Kinney sings back-up. So, here you go, your new music for this week, this Eddie Vedder guy (sorry, I keep being obscure, I'll try harder next week).

Hard Sun- eddie vedder Feat . Corrin Tucker





Here's a bonus track. It was sort of an indirect request.

This band would probably be better if the lead singer wasn't so....homely. Boy needs a shave.

Piling on

Ok, so this in ok:

LAS VEGAS - As in most train wrecks, it was hard to focus on just one thing as the Britney Spears disaster unfolded. There was just so much that went wrong.

Out-of-synch lip-synching. Lethargic movements that seemed choreographed by a dance instructor for a nursing home.

Ok, fine, she sucks, we all know that, whatever.

However, this: The paunch in place of Spears' once-taut belly... is completely fucking unnecessary. What does that have to do at all with her train wreck performance? She had two kids inside of like 18 months and she's not 18 anymore. I'm not defending her, she sucks, but come on. It's just piling on and not needed. No wonder every woman I know hates themselves in the mirror. We bring it up, in reviews read by millions of people no less, when it has nothing to do with it at all. It's just rude.

And no I'm not joining the Leave Britney alone guy or whatever the hell that was. Her performance was wretched and brand of processed cheese is a bain on my soul, but there was a time and place for that and it's over. Long over.

Think about it; no one has ever heard Britney sing. Oh, you've heard a record with her name on it and seen her "performing", but never with a live voice.

Britney Vanilli.

New Music Tuesday (or Wednesday)

Ok, I'm going to try something. I'm going to try to post a song or a band I like and think you'll enjoy. May be new to you maybe not, but either way, hopefully, you'll enjoy it (though apparently no one liked the Pj Harvey song-Savages!). My plan is to do this on Tuesday's, since there's usually nothing else happening on Tuesdays and that's when all the new releases traditionally come out (not that any of this will be new necessarily). The first one is obviously on Wednesday, but that's because I'm lazy and forgot.

I'm not forcing any of this on you like if you don't like it, you all suck. I don't do that...anymore. Just trying to use the internet for something positive and not just for reading exmormon.org. So, feel free to comment.

First one is from Cananda.

Our Lady Peace - Angels/Losing/Sleep.

All aboard the Pain Train...

Little Red Haired Girl, here you go..

2 for 1

Man those spoiled, little rich kids at Lincoln get everything they want:

The city and the school district are working on a two-year long construction project to create a "Trojan Trail Passway" near Lincoln High School ...

...The bypass should improve the congestion around each school.

waa!

Almost as bad as those snots at Dr. Phillips...

Enjoy

WHEN UNDER ETHER

"The ceiling is moving
Moving in time
Like a conveyor belt
Above my eyes

When under ether
The mind comes alive
But conscious of nothing
But the will to survive

I lay on the bed
Waist down undressed
Look up at the ceiling
Feeling happiness
Human kindness

The woman beside me
Is holding my hand
I point at the ceiling
She smiles so kind

Something's inside me
Unborn and unblessed
Disappears in the ether
One world to the next
Human kindness


Yes, it is about what you think it is

and yes, short hair is always better

Disclaimer

Based on some comments I feel I need to mention that everything is ok. I'm not standing on the a ledge or anything. I'm ok. This was just part of a grander getting better idea. Just to clean some old things that I had been holding on to for a while. Sorry if it came out more cryptic then I intended. I'm Catholic, I can't help it.

Again, everything is ok. We're all good here. How are you?


Fun Richard will be back after a short break.

Open Letter.....

It has become obvious with the complete lack of success in ending the loneliness, that a self-imposed, 44 hour fast didn’t do the job. So, in an effort to offer penance, I think I need to openly and publicly offer apologies for some of my past actions. Some of you may not think this necessary because you haven’t thought about it in the eons it’s been, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. I dwell, I can’t help it. So, at any rate here it goes… (This is sort of a serious and difficult thing for me, so we should leave the “Earl” jokes at home.)

An open letter…

…To the one who came first; what can I say? I was 18. That’s no excuse and I wish I would have known how to handle it better, but we were young. I can’t apologize enough for that day. I’m pretty sure that stuck with you, I know it has with me. I’m so sorry. Maybe, in our next lifetime or plane of existence, I’ll live on your roof and you can bring me bread sometimes.

…To my first and deepest love; I’m sorry for the way I handled things and I’m sure there are things we both could have handled better. I’m sorry for not being there that day. Letting you down then has been one of the biggest regrets of my life. I know that I loved you with all of heart and the deepest part of my soul. I was angry and mostly sad that it ended. We obviously weren’t meant to be together as our paths have taken different courses. I am grateful and honored that, however briefly, they did cross and you will always be a part of the man I am today.

…To those of you who came after the first heartbreak; you tried to get close to me and love me and I just pushed you away, but only after I took what I wanted. That wasn’t fair and selfish on my part. I now know what it’s like from your side and I’m truly sorry. Some of you probably haven’t thought about it in years (for one of you, it’s pretty fresh), but I have and I’m taking this moment to offer an apology.

…To the one who maybe at one time wanted to, but in the end could not; I’m sorry I put you in a no-win situation. If you say yes, then it’s, “I thought she couldn’t or wouldn’t…” and when you said no, “Well, then why did she..” I knew what I was getting into and knew better. I knew I could never give you what you wanted. I don’t regret anything nor should you. I enjoyed our moments together and I’m sure we both learned and took something away from them. I was posting your poems in some sort of effort to take them back and give them away, but I’m not going to do that. They’re yours, you keep them. Know that I meant every word, even the birthday one-especially the birthday one. We’re good.

…To the ones who didn’t make it or were never allowed to. You will never know the pain and the guilt I feel about you. My only hope is that you were put back in whatever line and sent to someone who thought there would never be a you. It was never easy. Being in that room that day, is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Please know that you are in a better situation then we could have ever given you.

…To you all; I take solace in the fact that you have all found happiness in other, better situations. I offer you my deepest apologies with sincerity, humility and grace, too.

Thank you,

Richard